Saturday, 21 April 2012

I guess things don't 'just happen' for me, sometimes?

Growing up I would often hear, 'It wasn't meant to be'. Destiny lays in the hands of someone else or a greater force then our selves. On some level this is what I believe. 'Things happen for a reason' is a concept that is similar but one I occasionally question.
At times I like to believe that things will pan out and the right thing will happen in the end. Everything will be ok. When I was nine and my young aunty got cancer I asked myself why this would happen to her, if there was purpose to everything that is. I had faith that my aunty would survive. Due to innocence and naivety? A trust in my faith. It was also a belief in my aunty for never giving up. She was quite sick and her hair grew back curly, but she is still alive. It kept growing and she made it into remission. Was she given cancer because she could handle it? I pondered. Was she lucky? Was she strong and fought well or was it her destiny to survive? I'm sure she would have something to say about this.

I went along believing things happen for a reason and that things are meant to be. This was all good and well until I was made to explore this very idea in year 12. We watched, Sarah Watt's, 'Look Both Ways' and were made to question the beliefs of main character, Meryl, whose life is very much controlled and limited by her views and that of the 'not meant to be' idea. What did I make of this? It was at this very time that my Gran's cancer returned. A lingering leech that haunts my family. The movie also explored death and cancer. Why is it that themes that are used in class always match issues you are going through in your life at the time, or is this just me? It always feels as though I am in some corny movie when the lead starts to question themselves or deal with their issues through the classroom topics of discussion.

Somehow I think I decided that this concept only related to my life and it had been easy for me to believe things are meant to be when everything turns out well for me. This was the case until I failed something I really needed, my license. I got along with things and realised that the lesson I learnt from having to overcome this little bump in the road, or the very bumpy bus rides that followed, was worth it because now that I have my license I appreciate it so much more. I learnt a lesson and so maybe I was meant to learn to overcome disappoint and to realise I can't have everything I want the first time.
This failure also made me consider what 'luck' is and how people can attribute failures or misfortunes to luck. Saying that bad luck caused someone to fail or to make a mistake, moves the blaim on to something else, shifting the responsibility. When luck is reversed though, and people attribute success to good luck it may be more difficult to accept the idea that they are not wholly responsible for their own achievements and that nothing else was at play, to possibly 'detract' from their personal sense of success.

I believe the notion of 'it was meant to be or it wasn't meant to be' is like the notion of luck. We can deflect our disapointment or overcome it by claiming that 'it wasn't meant to be' and hope in our hearts that one day destiny will give us what we wish for and we will be happy with 'our lot' with luck on our side, until then maybe I should step fourth and live out my destiny a little more pro actively.

love lulu x